Dear zakariyyaa zainal,
this morning, i woke up with you in my mind. the same as usual. just like the other days, you always there in my thoughts. you never left,-not really. the only thing i'd stop thinking bout you is when i had to go to the loo or doing something serious or when my boss asked me some hard questions. but really, i cant make myself from stopping. thinking bout you probably my stupid hobby now.
i've wondered--
did you ever think of me the way i did? funny. even though i always know the answer. i'm still wondering.
dear you,
this semester hasnt end yet. i still have -to be exact- 18 days left to spend it with you. there's not much time left to be bragged about though. you know... every each second passed by, it killed me lil' bit inside. for i know that this will be the last semester for us to be together. yeah, maybe you're gonna say that i'm the one who want this to end. and you are right. i want this. and i wont go back on my words anymore.
i have 18 days left then i will have to leave you. for good. this time, for good, zakariyyaa. i wont be coming in the middle of the night to you even when you texted me saying that you needed me. i wont be running to you even when you said you needed a hug. i wont be holding you in my arms to make you feel better anymore. i wont be kissing you like how you used to put your cheeks and sexy jaws on my lips. i wont be there. i wont be here. and you'll not be able to see me again.
i'm sorry but you made me do this.
you know,
every night i'd sleep with this thought of you would love me the way i love you. you 'd miss me the way i miss you. see me the way i see you. but you didnt. you never. and it hurts. it hurts me and got me bleeding for being so dumb and still waiting for you to do so. i dont even know where i stand in front of you. we've been gone through so much till this very day. we shared almost everything yet i still dont have a single clue what am i to you, in your deepest heart. Am i your bestfriend? then what's with the hugs and kisses for? Am i your girlfriend? then why you always keep me in the dark? why this painful feeling exist? you never answered these questions. you just smiled instead. and i'm done asking.
i've lost so many. so so many. most importantly, i've lost myself in my journey to make you fell for me. you know what i mean. and you know what happened. cause you're the one who took me away, slaughtered my soul without any mercy in the middle of the darkness. yet, because i love you... i still forgave you, hugged you and told you 'it's okay' even though i'm dying inside and hoping that Death'd just come and end me right away. it's because i love you. i love you so much that i dont even cared what kinda scars you've left me.
my love,
i only have these 18 days. with this lil' time i have left, let's make the best of it, shall we? i wanna make an everlasting memories. with you. and only you.
yours truly,
sha
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